Now

There is no past
THere is no future
Now is present
Focus on the now.

my personal DNA

You are an Experiencer

Your inquisitive nature, imagination, and hands-on practicality make you an EXPERIENCER.
Although you have an active imagination, you also concern yourself with the functional elements of things.

You are willing to experiment to find things that work the most efficiently.
Getting stuck in certain habits is boring to you—you'd rather find new experiences.
Accordingly, experiences are more important to you than objects—you'd rather spend your money and energy on events and adventures than on material things.
You like to contemplate a lot of options before making a decision, and you're willing and able to consider a lot of different angles to problems.
You're open to suggestions, and often rely on others to assess the merit of those suggestions.
You have an ability to see the big picture—not just how things are, but how they could be—in a variety of situations.
You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.

If you want to be different:
Have faith that your imagination and practicality will complement each other, and lead to good decisions on your part.
Take the initiative in seeking things out—don't wait for them to come to you.

how you relate to others
You are Faithful
Your trust in others, respect for tradition, and caring nature make you FAITHFUL.
Maintaining a few intimate relationships is more important to you than knowing a lot of people, and you share a lot with your close friends.
Those who have managed to get close to you value your camaraderie, and they know that they can trust you with anything; you're a good listener.
While you can usually see several sides of an argument, you often have a strong opinion as to which side is correct—the order of things is usually clear to you.
Your perspective on the world is based on careful observation, and you know a lot about how people feel in—and react to—many situations.
Your exploration of others' feelings has led you to believe that although people generally act appropriately, having clear social rules is very important to a functional society.
Time alone for reflection is important to you—you are introspective and aware of your own feelings.
Faithful is as faithful does—you expect those with whom you are close to be loyal to you, and you take betrayal of your trust very seriously.

If you want to be different:
Some of the alternate perspectives that you understand may have more value than you give them credit for—keep in mind that right and wrong aren't always so clear-cut.
While you are able to reap the benefits of your time alone, and may see interacting with a lot of people as more tiring than exciting, remember that there is a lot to be learned from experiencing things and not just reflecting on them.

why? 我心中的呐喊

Why do i do the same mistakes again and again? have i got no self control at all?

why can't i just tell myself that i will be more confident with myself?

why must i make people's life more miserable?

how???

i am frustrated... i wanna get out of this rut... i dont want to continue to be in this state of self pity... worthlessness... i want to be confident..

i told myself to be positive.... but why do i fall back again to the grey mode, so fast?

i need to do something, its ruining myself, it's ruining my relationship with ppl around me.... i need to do something before it's too late!!!

Do you believe in God?

Am i spiritual? or... am i spiritual enough?

i suppose sometimes, when i am calmer, i am more aware of the surroundings, when i am neutral, i am spiritual.

there are times, when i am feeling stressed, uneasy, easily irritated, upset for minor reasons... i think about negative things... that is when the spirituality in me is nowhere to be found...

Final med is a tough year... and time and time again i lose my spiritual side... (i think) as a result, the frequency of 'unhappy events' are higher as compared to previous years... today, i met Ben, he is like one of our tutor in the CSI, he was reminding me that its very important for us to keep a strong sense of spirituality deep within us, and also to believe in god in times of hardships...he asked me, "Do you believe in the powerful one up there? He is always beside you to help you..."

I replied, "yes, of course... and i do believe that he takes many forms to remind us/take care of us... as an example, he sends people to help us/ take care of us. That is how he reaches us.. and i believe, within everyone of us, there is a god, to lead us the way in our lives....hmm, perhaps he sent u to me today to remind me, to be strong inside!" :)

Going back to my 'fluctuating spirituality', i believe that is a sign that i have not trained my mind well enough... as a result of lack of 'spiritual exercise', i let myself go astray with negative thoughts many times a day... as a result, i frequently think of giving up when things get tough, i get depressed when things do not turn out as planned, i get mad/angry when i could not get things done in time, i feel lousy, and ugly, sometimes a little stupid... all of these are good indicators, signifying that i need to be more alert n keep more in touch with my spiritual side.

I would like to end this post with a shout out (taken from my friend, Alicia's facebook shoutout...

"No other person can make you feel beautiful. You give all these things to yourself by growing as a person and changing the way to talk to yourself."

Enough said, cili padi, stay strong...you can make things happen! :)