不要放弃！

我不想放弃，可是我真的很害怕。
我不想放弃，可是我开始感觉累了。
我不想放弃，因为我不想在以后有所遗憾。

怎么办？如果你是我，你会怎么做呢？

Replay of a familiar event. Deja vu.

Year: 1989
Venue: Mamak coffee shop at Jalan Sialang, Tangkak
People involved: 阿公，丽凉 (me)

I was 3/4/5 years old (i never remembered what my age was then), neither did i know阿公's age then.

I could remember clearly, almost every morning, after my struggle to finish the bottle of tasteless milk, i would patiently wait for 阿公to come back from the cocoa plantation. Tagging along with him to the coffee shop beside 四公's shop is my daily favourite activity. As usual, 阿公would order a cup of kopi O' and he would light his cigarette and start chatting with other adults. Usually other granduncles, most of the time will be next door's 2nd granduncle with his granddaugther (whom i used to call Wei Nee, my love-hate, frienemy, playmate:P).

It was a routine for almost every weekdays. When daddy and mummy are off to school, as well as jie jie and ko ko (at that time, i call them by name now, i am not sure why...) first of all, he would choose his favourite table and seat, usually the first one from the entrance, beside the fridge. Once the coffee reaches the table, he would separate the saucer from the cup, pour a minute amount of coffee on the saucer just to clean it, and then he would pour a slightly larger amount of coffee from the cup into the saucer. Then, he would lightly put the teaspoon together with the saucer for me.

The first sip of the coffee was often not to my liking. Hot. Bitter.

However, as i drank on, the drink always get sweeter and cooler, and i would make sure that i finish whatever that was poured onto the saucer. As usual, before i get the chance to ask for more coffee on my saucer, 阿公had long finished his portion of coffee in the cup, and he would ask to leave. Guess i took very long time to 'savour' my coffee then :) I used to wonder how he (阿公) could be so fast, finishing the coffee while busily chatting with others.

Then, to finish, 阿公would reward me with a piece of sweet, for being obedient and not running around in the coffee shop. Later, he would drive his old, beige-coloured hashback car and i would always sit at the backseat :)

Year: 2008
Venue: Mamak coffee shop at Jalan Sialang, Tangkak.
People involved: 阿公，丽凉 (me)

We visited the same shop again this morning. Some things remained, some things had changed. The management had changed. Different boss, different cooks, different helpers. 阿公is 81. I am 23, all grown up. I no longer hold his hand. The arrangment of the shop was a little bit different, new furnitures admixed amongst the old cashier and roti canai making table. We sat in the inner part of the shop. He did not order Kopi O' anymore. Instead, he asked for Milo kosong, i asked for a teh tarik. The drink was no longer served in a plate with saucer, they came in transparent, larger glasses. I was no longer the small quiet girl busy sipping the drink on the saucer. Instead, i was actively participating in the conversation with people around grandpa (i did not know who they were, but i do know the conversation).

As we finished our drinks, i drove 阿公home.

Many many changes, however, going out with 阿公to that shop brings back a lot of fond memories, which i would like to cherish and revisit again and again in future. Perhaps, that little curious girl in me is still very alive.

Happiness 幸福... Part 2

Here's a continuation to the previous post i wrote about the simple essense of happiness :)

Happiness is:

1.

To be able to have a steamboat party with the big happy family in Tangkak... All the familiar faces since primary and secondary school made great effort to turn up and meet up together after all these years. They also made sure that my departure to Ireland was a happy one... love 'em! It was a good night with good food and good fun.. (too bad for Ah Qwang who wanted to join so badly but just couldn't make it..)

And the abundance and variety of food Shu Fang and her family prepared for us all! The picture explains it all! :D

2. Views from my Glen Dara old room:

During summer

During winter - it rarely snows in galway... they say the last time it snowed was 4 years ago. The sight of the Galway houses dusted by snow flakes is my favourite! Simply beautiful :)

Anyways, i survived the challenging weather in Galway, Ireland :P winter was tough, but we managed it pretty well!

3. Taujin's visit to Ireland! The best thing that have ever happened to me in Ireland for all these challenging months... is to have Jeannie flying in all the way from Tokushima, Japan.

In the car before we embarked upon the wonderful road trip downsouth-Dublin-Galway. The 'orange' man Jitti is another person that i want to thank a million times for making all these stuffs possible. He was our great cook, alert driver, funny companion and big sponsor to the crazy Gan sisters throughout Jeannie's visit to Ireland. Things could not be better without his presence :) Cliffs of Moher - the cold and strong winds could not stop us from taking various wacky pictures!

We managed to leave behind some beautiful footprints in the Guiness Stout Brewery, Dublin, Ireland.

(23+1) x 365!

wow... time flies. I am 23 now. So fast. I am really a big girl now. Or should i say, I am a 'lady' now?



there are still so many things i have not achieved in this life...

of course i do, had many other achievements...quite many that i personally feel that i should be proud of :)



had an early birthday celebration at Tulsi (indian restaurant here in Galway) yesterday. Esther put in a lot of effort organising the whole thing.... i was in fact, quite touched by what they all did for me.

Living Buddha... have u ever seen any?

I once saw a personal msn message my friend left, “睁大眼睛看，我们身边其实有很多活菩萨。”

Hm... when i spend some time and ponder about what he said, i do agree with him. This week alone, i have seen a few, and i know these people, they are just like anyone of us, they live and work in the same community as i do, and the nice small things that they did made big difference.

"I'm blessed, I think."

Thanks to the friend who cared enough to send me the new year card packed with all the positive encouragement. As well as the small booklet. It was more than a normal chinese new year card.

Also, Thanks to Mr. Ben (who won't be seeing this, haha) for giving so much help to each and every student in my class. I really respect his dedication and kindness. It is rare to see someone who is so willing to take the extra mile to help those that are lost (us 4MB2 students). All the advice and tutorials to make sure everyone gets everything right. He said this in the mail he sent to the class...which i find, very inspirational..

"Learning is a life long experience, but always remember that you are a special person, you have something to contribute; only you can do it. You have within you the ability to be successful in life; don't let situations or any difficulties destroy your future. You are destined to be a winner."

Of course, my dear family. I don't need to look so far for any fairy god mother or living Buddha, they have been there, sheltering me all along, even when i am in this foreign land, i felt safe, because i know, no matter how far i go, they will be there for me. Thanks.

Phrase of the day, "Count your blessings!"

Discipline Check

Hm....seems like i have been procrastinating a lot lately..I have typed so many drafts, for this blog to finally come up with this post...
Got very lazy since the Christmas break...

What have i NOT done?
- Uploading and maintenance of this blog.
- Practice of Tai Chi...rarely exercise lately, and i could proudly declare that i have successfully gained (ahem, unhealthy) weight.
- Wake up before 9 am.
- Study for Exams...my goodness, i have 2 pathology MCQs to sit for next week. One more pathology final paper at end of February, One surgical paper, and one more medicine paper...
- I still owe 2 detailed surgery posting reports!
- Not to forget, MIME (medical informatics) questionnaire, statistical data, and report+presentation.
- Cleaning the house...the kitchen is choatic, the corridors are dusty, the living room is messed up...

What have i been doing?
- Facebook..Facebook.. and Facebook...
- Sleep late (3am earliest?), Wake up late (11am earliest?)
- Downloads...songs, movies, whatever crap i can think of...
- Sitting there.. stoning, do nothing...
- Think basically i spent too much time in front of the computer...
- And the list can go on for many crappy stuffs which i dare not even declare now...

Hm... i need to start somewhere. There is no point blaming the weather for my failure to carry out any plans. Honestly speaking, i did not set any new year resolution this year, knowing that i have the tendency to postpone them all.... well, maybe i should just start to 'Shut up and Do it', someone told me this before, thanks very much, somehow it stayed there and become the small voice inside me. I have to admit, i am way too lazy and things are not going to be good if i go on this way.

Cili padi, HURRY up! Wake up! Buck up! March up! You know your responsibilities and you need to work to achieve your dreams (you very well know what it is!) ;p

Are you a SPIRITUAL person?

I could still remember, the first time when i joined the Buddhist Society in IMU, Bukit Jalil. The advisor, Professor Hla (a very nice teacher from Burma), asked us a question, "Are you a spiritual person?"


And, being spiritual, does it mean that you are very religious? Do you, believe strongly in the existence of your GOD, and hence, you pray hard and follow all the 'rules' set by a religion?


A person can be very religious, they know everything about a religion, they know the precise methods of praying, they know the actual ways to perform certain rites...but then again, are they really spiritual? In my opinion, also, a person can be very spiritual, even when they have no religion.


Up to this day, i could still not precisely define what the word 'spiritual' means. I checked up the meaning of spirituality, in Wikipedia, and there was this long explanation... which I did not fully agree with.. but i do agree with the concept that it is 'subjective'.


So, is it important to be spiritual? Yes! I do think it is an absolutely essential element in our lives. In this material world, where physical needs and enjoyment are often prioritized, i frequently doubt the existence of spirituality in people around me. I ask myself again and again sometimes, do these people connect with their "spiritual" side? I do often ask myself, "Am I in touch with my spiritual side?"